Monday, August 25, 2008

Come floating up from the abyss of years ...

I somehow find myself, after all these years, married.

Me. The runaway barmaid who disguised herself as a man to avoid belonging to one man, one place, one bed. The career soldier: sergeant once, busted back to private, then climbing to sergeant again. The woman of extraordinary appetites, run out of at least one country for seducing a prince - and if I don't admit to others, they may not catch me.

Old and forever young - that's one gift of the 'brau. Strength, health, and stamina are others. So sex is a game that I enjoy playing, in ways undreamed-of by the girl I once was.

That Friday night, I checked out a dance at an intriguing new venue - giant gears, molten metal beneath a thick crystal floor, shifting light, heat, moving bodies. When one woman walked away from her dance partner for a few moments, I boldly took her place, smiling a hunter's smile into his eyes. And he smiled back ....

His appeal was that he was unfamiliar to me; his attraction lay in the fact that he was male, and I wanted to scratch an ancient itch. His face was one I could lose in a crowd, and I intended to do just that the next morning.

We went to his place, and ... how do I describe what happened next?

Physically, the sex was good. He was skilled and attentive, giving every impression of preferring my pleasure to his own. The first time was delicious, like he could tell what I needed and when. I felt like I was flying.

The second time ... that was when it happened. Something I had never felt before: terrifying, intriguing, intoxicating; like all the laughter I've ever felt; like standing in a volcano unharmed. Somewhere in between my heart and soul and mind, I heard him speak, knew his essence, felt connected and grounded and buoyant and bound-yet-truly-free.

And the idiot thought I was upset with him, where I was upset that he wasn't explaining this wondrous new thing to me. Don't give me a taste of this paradise and even hint at taking it away, my new and amazing love! Don't you understand? In all my years, sleeping my way across Europa, this is what I was looking for! Only I hadn't known ....

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